I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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