So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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