I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
