Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
