Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
