Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
COCAINE IS GR8
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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