Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize