It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm sobbing to NWA
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