man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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