What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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