I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
