alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
