He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
