im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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