I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
