Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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