just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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