i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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