one two three fourrrrnication!
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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