ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
