You're my little dorito
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
