That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Randomize
