he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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