I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
50% drunk capacity currently
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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