You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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