Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
