She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
