The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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