I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
