Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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