i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
