I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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