Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
