i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize