I am puke
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
