can we get nightvision for the apartment?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
