He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
