im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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