don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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