I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You're a waste of cheezeits
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
