So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
