Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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