A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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