so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
