That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I see more hoeing in ur future
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