Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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