I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
