I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
