at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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