I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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