Kiss
Puke
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
