I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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