Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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