i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
