Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
