the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize