I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
