i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
