WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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