she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
