yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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