Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
