We won't sleep together?
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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