you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
