Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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