Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
