we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
