I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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