So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
