You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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