Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
