I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
