Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
