i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
