Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
