planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
