I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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