And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
