went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize