that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
