hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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