umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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