The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Sorry about my life...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
