Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
