mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
