my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
