I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
