Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
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