I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Randomize
