This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
