Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
