she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize