You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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