I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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