then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I am puke
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
