The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Shame - the story of my life.
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