I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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