I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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