I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
