Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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