that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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