i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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