READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
