$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
