"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
