i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
