guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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