What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
