Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
