The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
