you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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