That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
