Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
