Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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