the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
