she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
