so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize