At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
