We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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