That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
