Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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