Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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