I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
