You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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