Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize